Why is there a line in the pursuit of true love?

I recently read an article on Psychology Today entitled, “The Cinderella Bait-and-Switch” by Danielle Teller. It is about the hypocrisy from society about finding true love. It is about finding and being with your true love and what society tells us is allowed and not allowed in order to obtain it. It is also about the opposing messages we get from society. One tells us that true love exists and that we have to do what we need to in order to have it. The other tells us that true love is a myth. There’s no such thing as a soul mate. The first message, go out and find your true love, is to have us believe that once we find him, we should marry him and stay married at all costs. Why? He’s our soul mate and we only have one soul mate. We all know that. And if you become unhappy in your marriage, then society tells us the second message, which is it’s all a fairy tale. You can’t have the fairy tale because fairy tales don’t exist. So, which is it?

In the article, the author tells of a Barbie movie in which Barbie disrupts the prince’s wedding and marries him herself. But had she been too late, after the “I dos”, then it sucks to be Barbie because now she’ll never have her prince. It’s ok to “steal” a man from his fiancée, but not from his wife. I don’t like the term “steal”, but that’s another story. “Follow your heart! You will always regret it if you settle for anything less than true love!” the author says of society’s message and she states that, “Our society should aspire to be less hypocritical about love. If we want to promote the Cinderella story, we should have more empathy for those who feel that they have married the wrong person and want to leave their marriages.” I don’t know about empathy, but I’m a firm believer that if you’re not happy in your relationship, married or not, get out. You only live once. You deserve to be happy. Wouldn’t that be funny? I can see this in some romantic comedy. A husband, played by Kevin Hart, who has been used and screwed over by his wife, hands her divorce papers and yells, “YOLO”, turns and walks out. Can you see it? I can SO see him saying that in a movie.

I get the whole sanctity of marriage and no one goes into a marriage thinking they’re going to cheat or leave. If you did, you wouldn’t get married. But I have to wonder why is it ok to encroach upon another woman’s territory if they’re dating or engaged, and I’m sure there are a number of people who would disagree with that, but it’s not ok after they exchange rings and sign a piece of paper? People do not belong to one another. You don’t own another person. If you don’t own them, they can’t be stolen or taken. And to be perfectly honest, if a person is happy in a relationship, whether they’re married or not, they can’t be taken. People who are happy and in love do not stray. Isn’t that what we want for ourselves and the ones we love? Happiness? I’m sure you’ve heard the quote that says something like “If you love something set it free…” and yet people don’t really abide by that. They SAY it, but when it comes to setting their significant other free, to see if they would be happy with someone else, to see if they’d come back to them, it’s not gonna happen. And why is it always the other person who gets all the shit? They didn’t make a commitment. They did nothing wrong. They broke no promises. The spouse however, did. THAT’s who should get all the shit. THAT’S who you should be pissed at. NOT the person they were fooling around with. In my opinion, women get pissed at the other woman not because of the cheating itself but because of insecurity. Insecurity about who’s going to take care of them, provide for them, protect them. If you’re mad about the cheating, you should be mad at him. It’s that simple.

I want to know why. Why does society tell us, and we’ve seen it on a million movies and soap operas, that it’s ok to go after a man that is dating or engaged, but it’s not ok once he’s married? If you truly believe that it’s true love, that he is your soul mate, why isn’t it ok? She’s obviously not his which means that she’s not with her soul mate. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?

What is a soul mate? “According To Greek Mythology…. The first humans were created with four arms, four legs and four eyes… They had two noses and two mouths and they terrified Zeus… He believed they had eminent powers and feared there would come a day when one would take his place as Ruler. To prevent such an incident from ever occurring, Zeus split each human in half and left them to wander aimlessly around the mortal world searching for their other half….. Their one true soul mate… “[1]

Again, I ask, if you spend your life searching for your other half, and that half happens to already be married, why is it not ok to pursue him? He’s YOUR other half. She should be ok with that and look for her other half. Where’s her other half because her husband isn’t. Not if he’s yours.

And there’s the hypocrisy. You’re supposed to spend your life searching for your soul mate, your other half. He is your bliss; your happily ever after.  You should stop at nothing in your search for true love. STOP! Hold the phone! What?! He’s married? Never mind.

 

[1] http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Know-That-Soulmates-Do-Exist/1064924

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tipping-sacred-cows/201605/the-cinderella-bait-and-switch

 

Advertisements

Quotes. Do you REALLY think about what it means before you hit “share”?

I saw this quote on Facebook; “Learn to love without condition. Talk without bad intention. Give without any reason. And most of all, care for people without any expectation.” This is one of those quotes, sayings, whatever you wanna call it, that irritates me. People throw it around, post it on their wall, but don’t really think about it. I doubt they even believe it. If you really thought about what it, how could you?

How do you “love without condition”? Marriage itself has conditions. It’s in the wedding vows. There are ALWAYS conditions to love. You mean to tell me that if your spouse was having sex with someone else that would be okay with you? No? Then that’s a condition. Or if he was dealing or using drugs? What about if he was physically abusive? A rapist? Murderer? These are conditions.

“Talk without bad intention”. This one, maybe. The first thing that comes to mind is people who are easily offended. People talk around them, “without bad intention” and they get their panties in a twist.  They didn’t mean to offend anyone, but they did.

“Give without any reason”.  I’m not buying this one either. Even those who volunteer for the sake of helping others, have a reason for giving. It makes them feel good.

“And most of all, care for people without any expectation” is crap too. You care for your spouse, but you expect him or her to be faithful, be honest, to hold down a job, to take care of you, to love only you (there’s that condition to love again).

I’m sure there’s more to these, but I can’t think of any more at the moment. Feel free to share your thoughts.